Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
