You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
