Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
