if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
