awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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