last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
