I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
