I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
