then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
