Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
