Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
