broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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