the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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