So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize