cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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