Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?