haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
