I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
