i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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