I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
