i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
