I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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