i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
