I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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