I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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