The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
