I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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