Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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