I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
