Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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