He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
