My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
