Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
