Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
