he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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