Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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