Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
