i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
