I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
