i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
