I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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