He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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