Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
