You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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