Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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