How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
