i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Everything about him screamed your future.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
