The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
