I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love having hate sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
