I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Pooping to opera.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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