I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
