I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
