I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
