Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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