She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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