I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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