True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
