I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize