I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
