between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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