Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All the doctor said was why
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
