I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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