I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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